Confidence in a leader isn't always what we expect (or want!)

We tend to think confident leaders are cut from the same cloth: bold, certain, and unshakeable. They stride into a room, take control, and radiate assurance. But confidence shows up in many guises — and some of our assumptions about it can be misleading, even damaging.

Over the years I’ve met and worked with leaders who are confident in very different ways. Some inspire loyalty without leaving room for growth. Some doubt, but doubt wisely. Some hardly say a word but still command respect. And some are confident enough to admit they need others. What ties them together isn’t a single style, but the fact that their confidence is real, and their teams can feel it.

These are just five of the common myths.

Myth 1: Confident leaders always create confidence in others

My mum’s last job was as the financial controller for a man who was, in every sense, Mr. [Insert the name of a small town]. I don’t have a single bad word to say about him – not one – except that I wouldn’t have wanted to work for him myself.

He knew his two (completely disparate) businesses inside and out. He could and did make money from them come rain or shine. He gave employment to a huge number of people locally. He was innovative too – he injected Kaizen into his rural manufacturing plant, and he went to China years before everyone else, striking out beyond the main cities with nothing but a translator to get his deals done. While he wasn’t the most generous payer, he was fiercely loyal to his staff, and his benefits were second to none. He paid my mum for months when she was severely unwell, and her healthcare cover matched what I had at McKinsey.

It was said that a rat couldn’t cross the road in that town without him knowing about it. He was switched on, creative, productive, and loyal – all rolled into one.

I’d call him the “Oracle” type of leader. He knew everything, could predict everything, and was the de facto decision-maker. He’s still working now, when most people his age have been retired for more than a decade. In short, he was a wonder – but he was also the boss of everything. He trusted expertise – my mum and others earned that – but he had no use for innovators. The buck always stopped with him.

You could only ever give the Oracle 10/10 for confidence: his own, and the confidence he gave others that they’d be looked after. But was it easy to grow under his leadership? No, it wasn’t. He knew exactly why you were in your role, exactly what he expected from you, and that was all he needed. I love coming up with new ideas, so I’d have felt stifled under his leadership.

Confidence isn’t always contagious; sometimes it keeps all the space for itself.

Myth 2: Confident leaders never doubt themselves

There are two types of doubt. One is the nagging version that eats away at our sense of self. The other is the steady kind of doubt that acts as a check and balance, stopping us from “going off on one.” The first undermines confidence; the second protects it.

It’s rare, but we do sometimes find the Consensus-Building Leader. They’re not common, but they crop up often enough to deserve a place in the leadership typology.

I once coached someone led by such a consensus-builder. The opportunities this afforded my coachee when business was brisk were astonishing. They grew years’ worth of experience in months. They had to sharpen their style at pace just to keep up with their rapidly expanding responsibilities.

But when the business faltered, the picture changed. The leader behaved as he always had: leaning on his team, asking questions, sharing decisions. But the team’s interpretation flipped overnight from “we’re so involved” to “he can’t make a decision.”

The CEO hadn’t lost his confidence. He hadn’t lost his approach. But he hadn’t prepared the ground for consistency — hadn’t instilled the belief that his way of leading would hold in both good times and bad. His confidence wasn’t the problem; the lack of clarity around it was.

Doubt doesn’t always erode confidence. Sometimes it’s the very thing that keeps it intact.

Myth 3: Confident leaders are always extroverts

I started my career with BCG and McKinsey, and I can confirm there are a lot of brilliant introverts in the upper echelons. They’ve succeeded by leaning into their preference where they can, and stretching it where they must.

Picture a weekly meeting with a client team split into subgroups. Each group gives its updates: highs, lows, blockers. The partner in charge hardly says a word, other than the occasional clarifying question. Then, when everyone has finished, they weave the whole thing together in three crisp minutes: “This is where we are, this is where we’re going, and this is what you each need to do.”

No cheerleading. No fist-pumping. No “rah-rah” speeches. Yet the teams walk out feeling purposeful, energised, and aligned.

That is confidence in action — not loud talking, but laser-sharp listening and synthesis.

Introverted leaders don’t escape the demands of extroversion. They still present, network, and engage with strangers. But in the moments that matter most, they are authentic to their natural style. And because they are authentic, their confidence is believable.

Myth 4: Confident leaders don’t need help

A CEO once said to one of my coachees, in my presence, that he didn’t understand why anyone would want coaching. “I’d hate it,” he said, “because I’d never want anyone telling me what to do.”

Please, never be this type of leader, because at some point your confidence will have ebbed away without you even realising it, and what's left behind may not serve you well.

My Oracle from Myth 1 would also have disparaged coaching — but for different reasons. He was a doer, not a talker. He trusted expertise, but it would never have occurred to him that he should be “told what to do.” He probably hasn’t been told what to do since he was in short trousers. But that isn't by design - more by default.

When a leader actually says they don’t want to be told what to do, what they’re really saying is that they don’t want to be challenged. And is someone who won’t be challenged truly confident? Or are they afraid their thinking, behaviour, or conduct might not stand up to scrutiny?

Leaders like this tend to surround themselves with people who won’t challenge them. They promote those who won’t rock the boat. They hand out power in the places they don’t care about, to hide the fact they’re keeping the lion’s share for themselves.

That isn’t confidence. It has swept through all the way to control.

True confidence doesn’t fear help. It welcomes challenge, admits mistakes, and embraces the chance to put things right.

Myth 5: Confident leaders have all the answers

The most confident leaders don’t have all the answers, and they don’t pretend to. It would be a rare thing if I had a personal anecdote of one — I might still be working for them now!

Richard Branson comes to mind. Yes, it’s a cliché, but he embodies this idea. He’s brim full of confidence that “it” will work — whatever “it” happens to be — but he’s never been afraid to lean into the expertise of others.

In many ways, Branson and my Oracle are alike: vision, immersion, loyalty, authenticity, risk-taking. But where the Oracle was the beating heart of his business, Branson made a point of empowering others. That’s why he scaled so easily.

The Oracle’s way was truly confident, but kept him minding his own onions. Branson’s way created space, loyalty, success, and then multiplied it.

The deepest confidence isn’t in always being right. It’s in letting others shine.

Confidence in leadership isn’t one-size-fits-all. Sometimes it looks like certainty, sometimes like doubt. Sometimes it’s loud, sometimes quiet. Sometimes it fills the room, and sometimes it makes space for others.

The danger lies in believing the myths: that confidence is simple, singular, and always beneficial. In reality, it’s complex, varied, and full of nuance.

When we understand that, we stop chasing stereotypes — and start recognising real, workable confidence when we see it.